Freakamon!
by Tech Weaver
Summary: A Freakazoid/Digimon cross-over. Takes place just before the DigiDestined enter Machinedramon's domain.


[Cue intro sequence!]  
  
Super teen extraordinaire  
Freakazoid  
Freakazoid  
  
Runs around in underwear  
Freakazoid  
Freakazoid  
  
Friends he's Washington D.C.  
Freakazoid  
Freakazoid  
  
Unless something better's on T.V.  
Freakazoid  
Freakazoid  
  
His brain is overloading  
  
It has a chocolate coating  
  
Textbook case from Sigmund Frued  
Freakazoid  
Freakazoid  
  
Check out Dexter Douglas,   
nerd computer ace  
Surfing on the internet   
and got sucked into cyberspace!  
He turned into the Freakazoid  
He's strong and super quick!  
He drives the villains crazy  
Because he's a lunatic!  
  
His home base is the Freakalair  
Freakazoid  
Fricasse  
  
Floyd the Barber cuts his hair  
Freakazoid  
Chimpanzee  
  
Racing in the Freakmobile  
Freakazoid  
Free kazoo  
  
He hopes to make a movie deal  
Freakame  
Freakayou  
  
He's here to save the nation  
So stay tuned this station  
If not, we'll be unemployed  
Freakazoid...  
Freakazoid...  
  
Freakazoid!  
  
  
[Title card]  
  
Freakamon!  
  
  
  
Announcer: We join our hero, Freakazoid, and his friends Stephanie, Officer Cosgrove and Dr. Jones trapped by the sinister Lobe!  
  
Lobe: Yes, it was quite ingenious of me to trap you and friends in that underground bunker and seal the exits so you can't escape!  
  
Freakazoid: Yeah! It was your most brilliant plan ever! How do you come up with them?  
  
Stephanie: Freakazoid! Don't encourage him!  
  
Dr. Jones (hysterically): Why am I here!? What have I done to deserve this!? These ropes chaff so much! Oh, the pain... the pain...  
  
Cosgrove: I'd like to know how he tied us up if he isn't even here.  
  
Lobe: It's such a pity I couldn't be there to berate you in person. You know how quantum bombs have a tendency to kill people, so I took the liberty of setting up this Pinnacle-chip enhanced computer with video conferencing software so I may tease and taunt you from the privacy of my secret hideout.  
  
[Freakazoid breaks free from his ropes and dashes over to the bomb.]  
  
Lobe: Don't even bother trying to even approach the bomb.   
  
[Freakazoid freezes in his tracks]  
  
Lobe: Even with your super-speed, Freakazoid, the motion sensors will cause the bomb to detonate before you can open the casing and discover I had all the wires colored red.  
  
[Freakaoid looks around for an exit]  
  
Lobe: You'll find there are no windows, the negatively-charged titanium-reinforced walls are covered with several layers of concrete and George Wendt is sitting against the door on the other side. It will take you weeks to get out. Unfortunately for the four of you, you don't have weeks. In one minute, that underground bunker will be filled with your atoms bouncing off the walls. Ta!  
  
[The computer screen goes blank]  
  
Dr. Jones: WE'RE DOOMED! DOOMED, I TELL YOU!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cosgrove: Cut it out.  
  
[Dr. Jones shuts up.]  
  
Freakazoid: There MUST be a way out of here! I know it! I just gotta think! Think, Freakazoid, think!  
  
[Freakazoid paces about with a pensive look. Then he hits himself in the head repeatedly like a busted radio]  
  
Freakazoid: C'mon, think! Think, darn you!  
  
Freakazoid's Brain: I'm thinking! I'm thinking! Hold on a sec!.... I got it!  
  
Freakazoid: A way out!?  
  
Freakazoid's Brain: No, the secret of the universe! You wanna hear it?  
  
Freakazoid: No! We gotta find a way out of here!  
  
Freakazoid's Brain: Are you sure? It's really clever!  
  
Freakazoid: Yes I'm sure! We don't have time for this! Now think of a way out of here!  
  
Freakazoid's Brain: Okay, okay! Yeesh! Let's see.... Hmmm... Uh, huh... Uh, huh... Nope. We're dead.  
  
[The computer screen springs to life. A spiraling vortex opens and a Scotsman appears]  
  
Everyone: Roddy!  
  
Cosgrove: Hey, Rod.  
  
Roddy: Quick, Freakazoid! There's no time! Ye've got to untie your freinds while I reprogram the Pinnacle chip's flaw so it doesn't turn ya friends into Freakazoids.  
  
Freakazoid: Why wouldn't they want to be Freakazoids? They'd be strong and super quick!  
  
Roddy: By Beowulf's Leisure Suit! We don't have time for this! Just do it!  
  
[Freakazoid unties Stephanie, Cosgrove and Dr. Jones while Roddy reprograms the chip]  
  
Stephanie: Hurry, Roddy!  
  
Dr. Jones: There are only seconds left on the timer!  
  
Roddy: It's done! Hold on tight, lads!  
  
[Roddy types in the activation code followed by Delete. The vortex opens again and a beam shoots out of the screen that pulls everyone into cyberspace just as the quantum bomb explodes. As they zoom through cyberspace to escape, a wave of energy hits them. They are sent spiraling down yet another vortex.]  
  
[A vortex opens at a bus stop next to a dusty, desert road. Freakazoid, Stephanie, and Dr. Jones topple out next to the bench. Freakazoid lands on his feet and helps up Stephanie.]  
  
Freakazoid: You okay, Steph?  
  
Stephanie: Yeah, I think so.  
  
Dr. Jones: Don't mind me... I'll just lay here in pain...  
  
[Stephanie and Freakazoid help Dr. Jones to his feet.]  
  
Stephanie: Where's Cosgrove and Roddy?  
  
Dr. Jones: Maybe the blast destroyed them.  
  
Freakazoid: No, Roddy went in first.  
  
Stephanie: Maybe that wave didn't hit them or they ended up somewhere else.  
  
Freakazoid: Or maybe they...  
  
[Dr. Jones shrieks and hides behind Freakazoid]  
  
Dr. Jones: (pointing) Monsters!  
  
Voice: Not monsters!  
  
[Stephanie and Freakazoid look where Dr. Jones is pointing. Standing there are five kids and five little monster-like creatures]  
  
Red Bug Creature: Digimon!  
  
Steph, Jones, and Freakazoid: Digimon?  
  
Boy with red hair: Digital Monsters. They live here in the Digital World, which was created by our world's global networks. Don't worry, they're harmless.  
  
Cat with gloves: Unless you make us mad!  
  
Freakazoid: So the internet is a dusty highway? Who knew?  
  
Midget T-rex: Who are you, anyway?  
  
Freakazoid: I'm Freakazoid, and these are my friends Steph and Dr. Jones.  
  
Kid with big hair and goggles: Weren't you in an old TV show with a big robot?  
  
Dr. Jones: (visibly annoyed) No.  
  
Stephanie: Who are you?  
  
Tai: I'm Tai.  
  
Izzy: My name is Izzy.  
  
Sora: Sora  
  
Kari: Kari  
  
TK: TK  
  
Agumon: Agumon  
  
Tentomon: Tentomon  
  
Biyomon: Biyomon  
  
Gatomon: Gatomon  
  
Patamon: Patamon  
  
[Freakazoid takes out a pad and pencil and starts writing all the names down.]  
  
Freakazoid: Let's now... Tai... Sora... Biyomon... Tentomon... Who's the giant hourglass again?  
  
[Everyone turns around and sees a giant hourglass with mechanical arms and legs]  
  
Digimon Analyzer Screen. Tentomon: That's ChronoClockmon, a time traveling Digimon! He goes back in time by standing on his head!  
  
ChronoClockmon: Your time's up, Digidestined! I've been sent back in time to clean your clocks!  
  
Tai: He means us!  
  
TK: And I don't think he means our alarm clocks!  
  
Gatomon: Not on our watch!  
  
[The Digivices begin whistling]  
  
  
Agumon: Agumon digivolve to....  
  
Greymon: Greymon!  
  
Tentomon: Tentomon digivolve to....  
  
Kabuterimon: Kabuterimon!  
  
Biyomon: Biyomon digivolve to...  
  
Birdramon: Birdramon!  
  
Patamon: Patamon digivolve to...  
  
Angemon: Angemon!  
  
[Crests glow]  
  
Greymon: Greymon digivolve to....  
  
MetalGreymon: MetalGreymon!  
  
Kabuterimon: Kabuterimon digivolve to....  
  
MegaKabuterimon: MegaKabuterimon!  
  
Birdramon: Birdramon digivolve to....  
  
Garudamon: Garudamon!  
  
Gatomon: Gatomon digivolve to....  
  
Angewomon: Angewomon!  
  
Freakazoid: I could've done that if it wasn't written out of the script!  
  
MetalGreymon: Now we're gonna clean YOUR clock, ChronoClockmon!  
  
ChronoClockmon: I said that already! No matter! I'll just undo this event!  
  
MetalGreymon: Giga Blaster!  
  
Angemon: Hand of Fate!  
  
Garudamon: Wing Blade!  
  
MegaKabuterimon: Mega Electro Shocker!  
  
Angewomon: Heaven's Bow!  
  
[The attacks fly towards ChronoClockmon. ChronoClockmon does a hand stand and the attacks fly back. They hit and the Destined's Digimon and they revert back to Rookie forms. ChronoClockmon gets back on his feet.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: Now who's cleaning the clocks?  
  
Tentomon: You gotta hand it to him, he packs quite a punch!  
  
Agumon: We're not through yet! Agumon warp digivolve to...  
  
WarGreymon: WarGreymon! Terra Force!  
  
[WarGreymon zooms towards ChronoClockmon. ChronoClockmon leans back and stops time! He crab-walks out of WarGreymon's path. He stands back up and WarGreymon swipes at empty space.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: Looks like you forgot about Daylight Savings Time! You know, "Spring forward..."  
  
[ChronoClockmon pulls out a large, high-tech looking gun.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: "... Fall back!" Quantum Cannon!  
  
[ChronoClockmon blasts WarGreymon, knocking him back. He puts the gun away and does another hand stand.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: Let's see that again!  
  
[The blast reforms and backs up. ChronoClockmon gets back on his feet and the blast hits WarGreymon again.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: Yes! Let's see that again!  
  
[ChronoClockmon begins doing cartwheels around WarGreymon. The blast hits WarGreymon over and over.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: ... And again and again and again..... Bwa! Hahahahahahaha....!  
  
Kari: He's beating him into submission!  
  
Izzy: But you've got to admit, it's an effective use of ammunition!  
  
Freakazoid: That's it! I can stand by idly no more!  
  
Tai: Well, there was nothing stopping you from jumping in before!  
  
Freakazoid: I may not have a digivolving sequence or cool-sounding names for my attacks, but I'm still a superhero and a superhero's gotta do what a superhero's gotta do!  
  
[Freakazoid stomps off toward the battle. Suddenly, a police car pulls up beside him.]  
  
Freakazoid: Cosgrove! You're okay!  
  
Cosgrove: Sure am, kid. You wanna go to the semi-annual Twin Festival in Twinsburg?  
  
Freakazoid: DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
[Zip-pan to the twins festival. There are a lot of twins around, as is Cosgrove and Freakazoid.]  
  
Freakazoid: Wow! I've never seen so many twins in my life! We even found your twin, Cosgrove!  
  
Cosgrove's twin: Hey. Oh, by the way, ChronoClockmon has the DigiDestined on the ropes and is pummeling WarGreymon into submission. You might wanna help them out.  
  
Freakazoid: By golly, Cosgrove's twin brother, YOU'RE RIGHT! I have to help them!  
  
[Freakazoid zooms back to the battle. WarGreymon has devolved back to Koromon and ChronoClockmon is about to finish him off. Freakazoid trips ChronoClockmon, stopping the blast just seconds before it hits. Freakazoid scoops Koromon and puts him with the others and out of harm's way. ChronoClockmon stands up and the blast hits the ground.]  
  
Sora: He saved him just in the nick of time!  
  
ChronoClockmon: But your days are numbered! Quantum Cannon!  
  
[Everyone but Freakazoid gets out of the way of ChronoClockmon's attack. When the dust clears, Freakazoid is charred to a crisp. He belches out some smoke.]  
  
Freakazoid: (weakly) I prefer my steak well done, thank you....  
  
[Freakazoid topples over. Everyone sweatdrops.]  
  
Freakazoid: What? Is it raining? Why does everyone have water on their heads?  
  
ChronoClockmon: It's only a matter of time! Quantum Cannon!  
  
[ChronoClockmon fires again, but Freakazoid dodges! Freakazoid flies towards ChronoClockmon, immitating WarGreymon's Terra Force attack.]  
  
Freakazoid: Freaka Force!  
  
[ChronoClockmon stops time again. Freakazoid flails his limbs wildly, but doesn't get anywhere.]  
  
Freakazoid: Ah, nut bunnies...  
  
ChronoClockmon: Ha ha ha haaaa! In this race against time, you're miles behind! Quantum Cannon!  
  
[ChronoClockmon blasts Freakazoid, sending him crashing to ground near the Digidestined. They happen to be taking cover behind a rock.]  
  
Stephanie: How can we beat him if he keeps stopping time?  
  
Dr. Jones: It's hopeless! We're lost! Lost in Spa- I mean, we're doomed! Doomed I tell you! DOOOOOOMED!  
  
[Izzy's computer starts beeping. He opens it up.]  
  
Izzy: It's a message from Gennai!  
  
[Everyone crowds around Izzy]  
  
Gennai: Greetings! Is there a young man named Freakazoid there?  
  
Freakazoid: Yeah, that's me!  
  
Gennai: Good. I have a message for you from some guy in a skirt.  
  
[Roddy's face appears on the screen.]  
  
Stephanie: Roddy! You're all right!  
  
Roddy: Ach! 'Tis true lass! I have an urgent message from FanBoy fer ya, lads!  
  
Tentomon: Don't you just hate it when you get forwarded chain letters in your e-mail?  
  
[FanBoy's chubby, pimply face appears on the screen.]  
  
FanBoy: Wow! I'm actually getting to talk to Freakazoid!? Hey! And he's got the DigiDestined with him! Cool!  
  
ChronoClockmon: Quantum Cannon!  
  
[The ground shakes around them and they are showered with dust and small rocks.]  
  
Freakazoid: Uh, we're running short on time here, FanBoy. You wanna hurry this up a bit?  
  
FanBoy: What? Oh, yeah. You're trapped in a parallel dimension and in order to get back you have to duplicate the _exact_ circumstances that sent you there in the first place! That means you'll need a pinnacle chip-enhanced computer and a quantum explosion!  
  
Izzy: My computer's got a pinnacle chip!  
  
FanBoy: Great! This patch will re-create Roddy's reprogramming. Now all you need is a quantum explosion!  
  
Freakazoid: Where can we get a quantum explosion?  
  
ChronoClockmon: Quantum Cannon!  
  
[The blast smashes into the rock.]  
  
Freakazoid: Hmmmm.....  
  
ChronoClockmon: Quantum Cannon!  
  
Izzy: Hmmm.....  
  
ChronoClockmon: Quantum Cannon!  
  
Dr. Jones: Hmmm.....  
  
ChronoClockmon: Quantum Cannon! Quantum Cannon! Quantum Cannon! Man, that rock's taking a lot of damage!  
  
[Everyone's thinking.]  
  
Freakazoid: I got it!.... No, no, wait, I lost it...  
  
ChronoClockmon: Quantum Cannon!  
  
FanBoy: You know, far be it from me to tell a superhero how to do his job, but you could use ChronoClockmon's Quantum Cannon...  
  
Freakazoid: Of course! We make his Quantum Cannon explode! I've got a plan. Everybody, huddle!  
  
[They get in a huddle and discuss the plan. ChronoClockmon takes another shot at the rock.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: One more blast should do it! Quantum Cannon!  
  
[He blasts the rock and it explodes in a cloud of dust. Freakazoid dashes out of the cloud and does a flying kick! But ChronoClockmon stops time again! ChronoClockmon kicks Freakazoid back to the ground. ChronoClockmon stands up and aims his cannon.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: It's about time I finished you off! Quantum Canno-  
  
Gatomon: Thunder Paw!  
  
["Hey Freakazoid" plays as Gatomon leaps from behind ChronoClockmon and knocks the cannon out of his hands. It lodges itself barrel-first into the ground. It begins to glow and spark.]  
  
ChronoClockmon: My cannon! The quantum energy is building up! IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!  
  
[ChronoClockmon tries to pry the cannon out of the ground, but it's stuck in their good. Freakazoid friends rush over to him as Freakazoid pulls out Izzy's computer and begins typing in the code. Gatomon runs over to the Digidestined and they high-tail it out of there.]  
  
Freakazoid: You guys gonna be okay?  
  
Tai: Don't worry about us! We've got two worlds to save!  
  
FanBoy: Y'know, because the Digimon anime, which is Japanese for cartoon by the way, came to the United States after the Pokemon anime, a lot of people think that Digimon is a ripoff of Pokemon. Not true. I heard that the Digimon anime actually came before Pokemon's. It makes sense, too, because the Digimon virtual pet appeared in American markets years before Nintendo brought the Pokemon video game over here. It's a lot like Transformers and GoBots. The GoBots toys have been in Japan much longer than the Transformer toys. The difference was that Transformers had their own cartoon. The two toy lines would've been released in the U.S. at roughly the same time had the makers of GoBots _not_ decided that they needed a cartoon of their own. Unfortunately they did and GoBots never became as popular as Transformers. Speaking of cartoons, the Transformers series did not end with the death of Optimus Prime in the Transformers movie. In fact, both Optimus Prime and the Tranformers anime live on in Japan, with Optimus, or Convoy as he's called, going through many incarnations the most recent of which is a fire engine. These numerous incarnations have lead me to believe that this is what prompted Rat Trap in Beast Wars to say, and I quote, "He should. He changes them often enough," when Cheetor comments on how quickly Optimus Primal adapted to his latest form, which he got by holding the spark of the original Optimus Prime in his own body while Optimus Prime's body was being repaired after Megatron tried to blast his head off. Oh! Did you know that in Japan....  
  
Roddy: Ach! Will ye shut up, lad!?  
  
ChronoClockmon: I'm outta here!  
  
[ChronoClockmon disappears through time. Freakazoid activates the flaw and they get sucked into the computer as the cannon explodes. An energy wave hits them in cyberspace and they fall into another vortex. It drops them off in front of a small restaurant called "Dot's Diner."]  
  
Freakazoid: Lucy, we're hooOOOOooome!  
  
[Freakazoid looks around. The surrounding area is a computer-generated image. Numbers, circles, rectangles and the occasional human with odd skin color are walking around.]  
  
Freakazoid: ... Or not...  
  
[The sky grows dark and a hole opens in it. A giant, purple rectangle slowly descends from it.]  
  
Voice: Warning, incoming game.... Warning, incoming game....  
  
Freakazoid: This is bad... This is really, really bad...  
  
[The Reboot logo closes over the screen and the words "The End?" Appear on it. The Reboot theme plays and the credits role.]  
  
The End.  



End file.
